14th May 2016: On the brink of death

Life is unexpected and cherish your life before something unexpected strikes.

I have finally understand the meaning behind this, because I had experienced this myself. Without any further treatment, I was already dead by then.

Seriously. No joke here.

I had a dream. However the dream ended abruptly when my whole body suddenly shivers.

I woke up at 3.00am, only to be found that I was trembling on my bed. My whole body was shaking involuntarily. I was having a high fever before this, since after coming back from USM interview.

What happened?

It was not cold at all but my body was shivering. I try to calm myself down but no avail. The shaking wouldn’t stop. Then a feeling of uncomfortableness rushed through my throat and I vomited. Then I noticed that something was not right. Immediately I rushed to my mum’s room for SOS. My mum also noticed something bad and she rushed me to the hospital.

By the time I arrived at the hospital, I lost my consciousness.

After a few while, I heard voices…from the doctors and nurses maybe?

My whole body collapsed after that.

I didn’t know how many minutes had passed. However when I opened my eyes, I was utterly shocked.

My body was full of wires connecting to various devices! Especially my right hand, a needle was inserted to connect it into the IV drip supply and upper arm was connected to a blood pressure monitoring device. Yeah just like exactly the scene of a dying patient at ICU! My heart was thumping extremely fast, even faster when I was nervous!

Then I saw my father standing beside me, cooling my body with wet cloth.

Some doctors saw me and shook their heads.

Another doctor was measuring my body temperature. He was shocked when 47 degree Celsius was recorded on the thermometer.

A malay doctor was talking with my mum and that’s what I’d heard from their conversation:

“Tadi bila anak u datang sini heartbeatnya tinggi sampai 180! Temperature pun tinggi sangat, 40.2 degree, blood pressure sangat rendah, 90/50. Kita sangat terkejut dan kita terus bawa dia ke sini. Nasib baik awak cepat, kalau tak dia sudah…. Sekarang kita agak dia telah dapat heat stroke. Kemungkinan anak u dapat denggi.”

(Translation: When your daughter was admitted into hospital, we was totally shocked! Heart rate was extremely high till 180BPM! Body temperature was 40.2 degree Celsius, and blood pressure was 90/50. We straight away brought her here. Thank goodness is fast enough, otherwise she will…..Currently she got heat stroke, but we suspect she got dengue fever.)

“Adakah dia boleh diselamatkan?” (Can she be rescued?)

“Sekarang paling penting ialah turunkan heartbeat dengan temperature. Kalau masih tak turun, mungkin……..” (The most important thing is to reduce her heart rate and body temperature. If this is still going on, possibly….)

ps: the …. means I would die right?

I peeked at the monitor. Heart rate at 163BPM and the monitor kept producing beeps.


Calm down! Just have the will to survive and you can survive through this!

I saw my mum’s eyes were sore red and my dad was cooling my body while murmuring “You’ll be fine, child.”

Then a sense of guilty and sadness went through my mind. I knew, I had made them worry about me.

So I got a grasp of my current situation now.

I was hospitalized because of a sudden increase in body temperature and heart rate. I almost went into comatose if emergency first aid was not given immediately. Now I have to reduce my heart rate.

I did endless times of deep breaths in order to reduce my heart rate. Breath in…and out. Poof. I emptied my mind except for reducing my heartbeat.

Then slowly but surely, my body temperature went back to 39 degree Celsius and my heart rate was reduced to 120BPM. Still not in the best condition but at least the dangerous situation was over. 😀

Doctor said that I had to be shifted to normal ward for further observations.

Thank goodness.

When I finally settled down in a ward, a light of dawn shone through the room, then only I noticed: It’s already morning huh?

I remembered that 4 hours had passed since then. But for me I felt like I had fought a whole day instead.

When I flipped through newspaper, then I saw a photo of me featuring in the last page of the Malacca section. I thought, “Who knows, the girl in the newspaper is now lying in the hospital? Hahaha.”

Then suddenly something important struck on my mind.


Ohmyf***gosh. My only chance of studying in Japan……

I couldn’t make it to the exam which would be held tomorrow at KL. Even if I was discharged today, I doubt I could take a ride to KL with my current health conditions. Even if I forced my way to KL, I wondered whether I can perform at my best during exam.

Sayonara, Japan. Maybe I will try again after getting a degree. Postgraduate studies or as exchange student. I AM NOT giving up easily for studying in Japan. Maybe it’s a message from God saying that I am still not prepared for studying there. Probably it’s true. Even though I had some knowledge on Japanese Languages and their cultures, it’s not enough. I need to have enough stamina to withstand their changing weathers and unexpected earthquakes and it’s pretty obvious that I don’t have it right now. -_-

Then I spent a few days in the hospital.





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