My journey of STPM #3: Resilience

(Continue from part 2)

Back to the reality.

I think I have to settle down in Form Six now.

Not because of having no other choices,  but… I got something that I don’t even want it.

My last scholarship interview of year 2014 was with Sime Darby. Actually what they offered wasn’t what I want either. I think the panels knew that I wasn’t eager and passionate enough to embark a career in business, hence they rejected me in the final round of the scholarship interview. But the moment of how one of the interviewer humiliated me was still vivid in my mind and I swore not to repeat that mistake again in the future.

And that day itself was the day when I discovered the “darkness” of the government bodies. One of the interviewees told me that she got the JPA scholarship via backdoor, which I wouldn’t want to explain it further. Since then I gave up on relying on them anymore, because it was not a fair and square competition to begin with.

Okay back to the topic.

Still remember the previous STPM post? Yes, I GOT THE OFFER FROM TEACHER’S TRAINING COLLEGE. 

My parents were so joyful and happy, they were pestering me to accept the offer and asking me to pack up stuffs to the college as soon as possible. Even my mouthy fourth aunt (yes she was the one asking me to apply for it) brainwashed my parents just to force me to serve the government as a teacher.

I don’t even know I had quarreled with my parents for how many days and nights just for this matter. I don’t even know why they wanted to manipulate my own destiny till this way. Must I really give up on my dreams, just like some of my friends? In the end, I knelt down in front of my parents, just to allow me to continue form 6 studies. Well, at least form 6 still allows me to study overseas…right?

Then I have to force myself throughout these 1 and a half years, no matter how painful it is, how dark my future can be.

Since then my dad held grudges against me. It wasn’t obvious but I can feel that I wasn’t filial enough to accomplish his dreams.

I couldn’t concentrate much on my studies because of this matter, and STPM syllabus was harder and more overwhelming than what I thought. I couldn’t find a ‘right’ way to study. I confined myself with coffee and I always slept at 2-3am everyday. Hence, I couldn’t concentrate during class the next day……and this bad cycle repeats itself over and over until… I failed my maths exam in the first monthly test. Legitly failed.

I was devastated. I couldn’t accept this fact. I did study and prepare for it but…… when it comes to answering questions I was panic. And maths was my favourite subject. I love solving maths problem.

I was mentally down for a few days until my maths tuition teacher shone me a glimpse of light:

“You are not focused while answering the questions right? I can see you did your revision, but it is too vague and teacher couldn’t give you marks based on your working. And you have other things in your mind isn’t it? Next time make a day specifically focusing on doing maths revision, this might help you. Plus, have more sleep man. Your dark circles were pretty obvious and sometimes you slept in my class! How can you score well if you don’t pay attention during class?”

Oh my…… teacher’s words had made me realised that what I’d done so far is wrong. I need to find a study method which is suitable for me. Since then, I attempted every past year questions carefully, analysing them before solving. I scored full marks for a few mock tests given by my teacher.

And then, I managed to score an A in Maths during STPM first term trials. A huge leap from failure to success.

To be continued……

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